“Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
So said our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln. I agree with his assessment. Happiness comes from within. However, it is a paradox. Most of us strive to be happy, but are we really ever satisfied?
Recently, as I often do, I stopped at my beach after work (well, not my beach exactly) and sat down on a much-loved bench that I have dubbed my sacred spot (now this is mine.) I gazed out over the bay and watched the sail boats in the distance and the seagulls in flight. I felt the breeze lift my hair and thought, “Heaven.” I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and began to relax.
I must have dozed because I awoke to the sound of voices coming from the beach below me.
I kept my eyes closed and heard:
“Oh, this (expletive) heat is too much!”
“Yeah, I can’t take the (expletive) humidity either”
The rest of their words faded as they walked further along the beach, away from me.
However, judging from tenor of their voices, they were definitely in a moaning and groaning mode.
My peaceful interlude shattered, I muttered aloud, “What in the world is the matter with these gals, the weather is ideal, don’t they remember last winter’s endless snow storm? Are they blind to the beauty that is surrounding them?” Now I was moaning and groaning!
Just then, a seagull flew over me (no, not what you think!) and landed gracefully in the water affirming why I was here. I turned my attention back to the beach and thought, “Their loss.”
People will complain about the weather ad naseum. What baffles me is that some folks will spend the entire winter complaining about the cold, snow, dreariness and their ever- rising heating bills, and impatiently wait for summer to come. (Personally, I enjoy the winter, too). But then, when summer finally arrives, they drone on and on about feeling hot and sticky. They don’t like the bugs, the humidity and obsess about the rising cost of running their air conditioners.
Last week, two of my friends were going to the hair salon. One has curly hair, the other has straight hair. Both are beautiful women in their own right. The gal with the curly hair was having her hair straightened while the gal with the straight hair was getting it permed. Gotta wonder!
Who is really satisfied with their bodies? For the record, gals are not the only ones born with the “body dissatisfaction” gene. Guys have it too. When I lived on Staten Island, I had a male hair dresser who validated his physique by constantly flexing his muscles in the mirror while cutting my hair! Maybe guys don’t talk about it as often as gals, but I’ve seen a many a dude get up from their beach chair and suck in their gut while heading for a swim. They dare not breathe until they dive into the water. Talk about waiting to exhale!
Many gals (even if they are slim) think they are too fat. Worried about their “muffin top” and chunky thighs the day comes when we look into the mirror of truth, literally. Knowing the time has come to start a diet, we pass up the lasagna, cake and the goodies we love. When the scale finally shows our goal weight, are we happy? Maybe. But for some, the pendulum swings in the other direction. Now that we can eat that mouth-watering lasagna we don’t. We think: Who wants to go through dieting again? It is unfortunate that some gals (and guys ) become fanatical about their weight — and like all obsessions, it can become a health concern and a recipe (no pun intended) for disaster.
Who of us at one time or another hasn’t been attracted to someone who is unattainable? Most times that’s why there is an attraction; we think we are safe. The experts support the use of fantasy — and I agree. We may rationalize our behavior by thinking that a diversion or flirtation is no big deal and we have fun with it. Sometimes it stops there; sometimes not. Affairs or flings are not like car accidents that happen randomly. When one metaphorically throws gasoline on a little spark, an explosion is inevitable and unhappiness is the by-product. Someone always gets wounded.
When I was employed as a medical practice administrator, I knew a nurse who was attracted to a handsome doctor at the hospital where they were both employed. She went to the chapel daily praying and hoping this guy would notice her. He finally did. Five years later, she was back in the chapel praying to get rid of him!
Folks will meticulously save enough money for a down payment on their dream house. Furnished lovingly and carefully, it takes up all our time, energy and financial resources. We are happy — for a New York minute. Then like a small leak, discontent sets in, flooding our minds with thoughts like: The house is too big or small. It is too old or the location has seen better days. We yearn for something else.
How many folks have counted down the years to retirement? They visualize themselves living in a beautiful condo in Florida sipping margaritas. They dream of the day where their only responsibility is a game of golf or lunching with the girls. For some, this dream becomes a reality. For others these dreams turn into a nightmare. Many studies have found that some folks are more other-centered, they reinvent themselves and find fulfillment in meaningful work or volunteer their time and talent.
Do you know anyone who is imprisoned by their possessions? Their moto is: Big, better, best! They spend their lives relentlessly searching for more “stuff” to fill the void in their lives. They crave a more expensive car or more jewels (how much jewelry can one wear?) They collect art, antiques and famous people. Life doesn’t work that way. No other person or thing can fill the void in our lives; fulfilment is a do-it-yourself job.
Scientists say that we humans are gifted with superior brain capacity. Why is it then, that we are incapable of being 100 percent satisfied with our lives? We are always wanting and waiting for the next big thing to happen. It’s no wonder that clinical depression is has reached epidemic proportions.
Figuratively, the chorus from the Rolling Stones famous song “(I can’t get no) Satisfaction” may serve as our new national anthem.
It goes like this:
“I can’t not no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction. Cause I try and I try and I try and I try, I can’t get no, I can’t get no satisfaction.”
To quote a friend: When we want it, we can’t get it; and when we get it we don’t want it. So true!
Celia Iannelli is a native New Yorker enjoying a second career — in ‘retirement’ — as a freelance writer. She lives in Jamesport.
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