It is love alone that counts

It is a little scary to view the chaos in the world today. The world appears to be at war. There are battles on the home front; immigrants seeking asylum from violence in their native countries, the risks of terrorism on American soil, unemployment and the rising costs of healthcare. I feel an obligation to stay informed with the news, yet I wonder why I get distracted and overwhelmed! It’s a lot to take in sometimes.

In my own life, I have enjoyed a few months of stability from medical issues with my daughter, Johanna. That stability gave me time to focus on getting a professional coaching certification, writing a program for caregivers and working on my book. I’d love to add housecleaning and gardening to that list of accomplishments, but the dust balls and the weeds tell another story.

I feel like I was given a little reprieve from one mission to focus on another. However, this week redefined the call and reminded me of my reasons why I do what I do; it’s all for love.

The past two weeks, my daughter has struggled with an increase in headaches and some other neurological tell-tale signs that indicate something is not right. A scan showed more bleeding from the lesions in her brain, as the probable cause of her symptoms.

I had to grapple with many emotions this week, not the least of which is anxiety over wondering how Johanna will do with this new setback. Will she be able to ride this one out at home or are we headed back for another cycle of interventions that are best managed in the hospital? It also means that she requires more hands on care from me to handle IV medications and monitoring. To add to that stress, I don’t have any aides right now, so that makes it a little more complicated.

At times like this, I think back to the early days of motherhood, when I had my to-do lists planned but a sick toddler or a nursing baby made me put all that aside. It’s like that, when you are raising a child who is medically fragile and disabled. You learn to put your plans aside, to offer that child the care and dignity they deserve, while still carving out time here and there to take care of yourself.

In the midst of these struggles, I read some quotes from St. Therese. St. Therese is one of Johanna’s favorite saints. She is known for her “Little Way of Love.” She lived a simple, holy and short life. She died at the age of 24. Her life was characterized by one tremendous feat: she loved well. This quote struck me: “I understood that Love embraces all vocations, that Love is all things, that it embraces all times and all places… in a word, that it is eternal … It is love alone that counts.”- St. Therese.

One morning, all these lofty thoughts came to life before me as I was talking on the phone, while sitting on the porch. I am currently working on two books; one that is collaboration with another mom of special needs kids. The book is in its final stages and I am very excited about it. On this morning, I was speaking with this mom, discussing edits and we took some time to pray.

Johanna appeared at the front door, looking out at me sitting on the sunny porch. She was worn and tired from a restless night, struggling with tremendous pain in her head. As I finished up my conversation, I motioned to her to join me on the porch, hoping the morning sun would ease the pain. She crawled into my lap and melted in my arms. A moment of truth was revealed in this simple gesture.

As I gently rocked my daughter in my arms, the words of St. Therese were at the forefront of my mind. “Love is eternal …It is love alone that counts.” Though she is 18 now, Johanna’s cognitive and physical impairments grant her the simple abilities of childhood, and remind me that everything else can wait. Love counts for more.

If I thought writing books and workshops was the most important way to begin this day, this little one reminded me that love is what matters most. The words of St. Therese and the little saint in my arms, both echo the all-too-familiar words of 1 Corinthians 13:
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing …Love never ends.” (1 Cor.13:1-3,8)

Each of us can replace these verses with all the important things that we do in a day, things that we see as vital to our existence and our contribution to society. No matter if you run the country or you run a register, if you’re a famous surgeon or a stay-at-home mom, it’s the love that counts and the love is never ending.

I could include things like writing, speaking, music and coaching caregivers in my list of important things I do and ways that my life makes a difference (notice I didn’t include cleaning.) I hope that the books will eventually get published, that the talks will all be written and caregivers will be coached, all in good time. But in the end, and at the beginning of this sunny day on the porch, I am reminded of the most important things: love is eternal and it is love alone that counts.

Eileen Benthal is a writer, speaker and wellness coach with a B.A. in Theology from Franciscan University. She and her husband Steve live in Jamesport and have four young adult children. Their youngest, Johanna, is a teenager with special needs. Eileen can be reached at FreeIndeedFreelance.com.