Potholes in the road to tranquility

I’ve been taking beach walks since I moved to Jamesport over nine years ago. I gravitate to the sand and sea in all seasons and “weather permitting” does not apply. Aside from the beautiful views and great exercise benefits, walking the beach allows for clarity of vision and tranquility. However, on this particular day, it brought anything but…

Oblivious to the beautiful weather, my fists were clenched in anger. The unshed tears that stung behind my eyes began to spill onto my cheeks. I was a mess — and no wonder: I was revisiting an incident for the hundredth time. Mind you, this incident happened months ago, and yet, it still had the power to upset me. And to add insult to injury, I was fully to blame for getting myself into this situation. I complicated my life.

Upon returning to my car, I turned on the ignition and a much-loved tune was playing on the radio. It was the Eagles hit “Take it Easy.” To my astonishment, I blasted the radio, and began to sing with gusto, “Take it easy, takes it easy, don’t let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy.” (I did shut the windows!)

Did it help? Somewhat.

Shouldn’t life be simpler? Yet, methinks its getting more complicated. Most of us are running on the fast track— and running on empty at that. Which brings me to the burning question of the day: Why do we do it? Why do we humans complicate our lives?

Our brothers and sisters in Alcoholics Anonymous have a slogan that advises its members to “Keep it Simple.” Good advice. If we kept it simple, there would be less need for antidepressants and tranquilizers. Of course, the pharmaceutical companies would see their stocks prices plummet and their investors would be none too happy!

Most of us know folks who are addicted to creating drama in their lives. Ignorant of their drama queen or king status, we try giving them a leg up. We can become so embroiled in their circumstances that we lose our center. Understandably so. We are trying to fix something we didn’t break.

No doubt we were trying to help (rescue) yet, our misguided sense of responsibility is pushed beyond healthy boundaries. We find ourselves out in the “far country” — smack in the middle of someone else’s mess— and questioning how in the world we got there. Trust me; the “far country” is not a great tourist attraction.

And here’s the kicker: The folks who we tried to help were not all that grateful or receptive. And guess who becomes the victim? You got it!

Here is another life-wrecker: Trying to change someone, be it your spouse, significant other, kids, or friends. It doesn’t work. I put on my track shoes and hit the road when confronted with someone who wants to control me. (Hmm. I hate to think that it takes one to know one!) Trying to change another person is a subtle way of gaining control. Of course, we delude ourselves into thinking that we are turning our lives inside-out for their own good. Come again? Whose own good?

Most relationships start off with that walking-on-air feeling. And why not? Our systems are overflowing with heady chemicals and hormones. Scientists have confirmed that falling in love can lead to emotional and physiological instability. We begin to think our partner is the be-all and end-all of our existence. Maybe they are; maybe they are not.
Don’t get me wrong falling in love can be a wonderful thing. However, sometimes the red flags in the relationships are all but obliterated by our emotional high. In this state, we ignore: the meddling mother-in-law, lack of communication skills, irresponsible, immature and unpredictable behaviors, controlling behaviors, or non-resolution of past relationships.

Our dreams were there and we clutched them against reality. We endured one loss or disappointment after another until one day the truth walloped us in the face. It didn’t matter that we pinned our hopes and wishes on magical thinking. Imagine? We thought that the problems would “puff” disappear. What we are left with is a complicated mess of our own making.

One of my favorite American essayists and philosophers, Henry David Thoreau was guided by this maxim “Simplify, simplify” And he did. For two years he lived a Spartan existence on the edge of Walden Pond.

Spartan Existence? Me? Don’t think so. I love my creature comforts and am not willing to simplify to that degree. However, I think I can manage the Eagles admonishment, “Take it easy, take it easy.”

Recently, I’ve come up with a pithy saying of my own. While trying to simplify and take it easy I close my eyes, click my heels together (sans Dorothy’s ruby slippers) and repeat, “Ceil! You don’t need to complicate simplicities with stupidities.”

But then again, ‘tis easier said than done!

Celia Iannelli is a native New Yorker enjoying a second career — in ‘retirement’ — as a freelance writer. She lives in Jamesport.