Lessons in sensitivity, tolerance and compassion — on the Riverhead Middle School football team

He was their Thanksgiving baby and he has given them much to be thankful for.

When Jackie Arns gave birth to her second child on November 22, 2001, she and her husband Paul were unaware  of the odyssey they were about to begin.

At first, all seemed well. Their baby boy had scored 9.9 out of 10 on a health assessment test right after birth, Jackie recalls. But the young couple’s joy was soon clouded by fear and worry as doctors discovered that their baby was born with two holes in his heart.

Their newborn son would not be going home from the hospital with his mother. He’d remain there for more than five months, until after surgery to correct the malformation. They were still processing what was happening when the pediatrician informed them, a few weeks after Derrick’s birth, that their son had Down syndrome.

“We were shocked,” Jackie Arns said. She was 24 and had a healthy 1-year-old son, Brayden.

Down syndrome, the most frequently occurring chromosomal disorder, according to the National Association for Down Syndrome, occurs in 1 in every 691 births. People born with Down syndrome have an extra chromosome; it is typically caused by an error in cell division at conception. While the incidence of Down syndrome increases with maternal age, 80 percent of Down syndrome babies are born to mothers under age 35, according to the association’s fact sheet.

So began the journey the couple says has been a great blessing to them and their two other sons — Jackie gave birth to their youngest child, Reilly, five years after Derrick was born. The joys and challenges of raising a child with Down syndrome have been an eye-opening, life-changing experience for the Riverhead couple and their family.

“Because of Derrick I went back to college to become a special ed teacher,” Jackie said. “I want to do anything I can to let people know that people with Down syndrome are just like us. I want parents with Down syndrome children to believe that their children can do things. You have to believe it and push it — and push them,” she said.

Their journey took the Arnses to the sidelines at Coach Mike McKillop Memorial Field Friday afternoon, where they watched the Riverhead Middle School football team play.

Brayden, an 8th-grader and Derrick, who started 7th grade this fall, are both on the team.

Head coach Sal Loverde, who’s been coaching football in Riverhead for some 30 years, has spent his entire career as a special education teacher. He teaches science and social studies to special needs kids at Riverhead Middle School, and he’s been Derrick’s summer session teacher for several years.

“He’s seen Derrick’s progress over the years,” Jackie Arns said. “When he told me he wanted to have Derrick on the football team, I thought, OK. I thought he’d be holding a clipboard the whole time. But then, when I saw him in uniform…”

Derrick picked out number 55 and gets suited up with all the other players. He stands proudly with them on the sidelines, sharing high-fives and the excitement of the game.

He belongs.

“They even named a play after him,” his mother said. That left her “completely speechless.”

“We call it the Derrick,” Loverde said. “I let the other side know. Nobody tackles him. They chase him.”

The Waves hand off the football to number 55 and he takes off for the end zone, “chased” by the opposing players who are “blocked” by the Waves as they escort their special teammate to the goal line. The coaches, players on the sideline and the crowd cheer him on with shouts of “Run, Derrick, run!” and “Go Derrick!”

“For me to see football, a passion of mine, to not only bring joy and belonging to a Down syndrome child, but also to bring tolerance and acceptance to others, it gives me great joy,” Loverde said. “Football is about creating character. It’s about building skills that will help these boys grow up to be good husbands and fathers, good workers and members of the community. This is just an excellent example of that,” Loverde said.

Since he joined the football team, the other kids are “really embracing him” off the field as well, Loverde said. “You can see it in the cafeteria and in the hallways. He feels a sense of belonging that he probably didn’t feel before,” Loverde said.

“I have seen Derrick build self-confidence to the point of wanting to walk inside the school by himself,” Jackie Arns said. “Once he wouldn’t do that. Now, he doesn’t want me around,” she laughs, adding, “which is good. That’s what I strive for.”

“I think it may even have greater value for the other kids than it does for Derrick,” he said. “They feel good about themselves, and it’s enriching their lives in so many ways. They are learning a level of tolerance and concern, of empathy and compassion… that can only become part of the fabric of their lives,” Loverde said.

The Arns say they’ve seen a difference in the other sons as well.

“Now Brayden is not the kid with the brother who is different and weird. Now Brayden is Derrick’s brother and Derrick is one of them. So Brayden feels a sense of belonging that he didn’t know before,” Jackie Arns said.

Having a special needs brother has made Brayden and Reilly special too, she said. “My children are very tender, very sensitive to other special needs children. They have a love and compassion for other people with special needs. They are the first to help someone who needs help, and it has also taught them to stand up for others.”

Derrick’s classroom teacher from Pulaski Street School, Eileen Mackey, stood on at the sideline fence with his parents Friday afternoon, cheering her former student on. “It’s wonderful to see,” she said, a big grin on her face. “It’s such a good experience for the other kids, including the kids on the other teams as well.”

They were joined by Riverhead Middle School principal Andrea Pekar and Schools Superintendent Nancy Carney.

Loverde praises the administration for supporting special needs kids and allowing Derrick to have this opportunity. A one-on-one aide, Louise Meyer, accompanies Derrick to the game and is ready to help and care for him on the field.

Embracing each other’s differences is “the Riverhead spirit,” Pekar said. “Derrick is a member of our student body who without knowing, has taught his peers, teammates, teachers and coaches many things you can’t learn in a textbook,” she said.

“We are lucky to have a student like Derrick in our lives.”

Derrick has inspired his mother to want to help other parents with Down syndrome children.

There is little support for parents of children with Down syndrome on the East End, Jackie Arns said. “All the organizations and groups are out west,” she said. She is looking to change that by starting a program on the East End.

“I want to tell them, ‘Your child can do it.’ Children with Down syndrome are only as hard or as easy as we make them. They are willing to be pushed, but sometimes that’s hard to do. But you can and you should. The proof is right out there,” she said gesturing to the football field.

“It’s a good thing for all kids and adults to see,” Coach Loverde said, “a way to merge together, to blur that line. I think that’s important. It builds sensitivity in kids. And it teaches us all that there is value in every life.”

Photos by Denise Civiletti, except courtesy photo of Arns children, courtesy of Jackie Arns.

 Video of “The Derrick Play courtesy of Louise Meyer

October is Down Syndrome Awareness month. For more information, watch this video, “Just Like You”