Lent isn’t about what you give up— 
it’s about what you give

I love chocolate. When my kids were young, I always told them, “The best way to handle stress is prayer and chocolate-in that order.”

We had plenty of stress, so I didn’t keep chocolate in the house.

But when things got rough, (with long hospital stays and brain surgeries), I would make a trip to the store and come back with a bag (or two) of peanut butter cups and a king-sized chocolate bar for all to share.  Occasionally, I would decide to abstain from all sugar and clear out the cupboards of any semblance of junk food. That lasted till the next brain surgery, which for most people would be a lifetime. But if you know my story, then you know that was not the case.

It was rare to find my house without chocolate. Lent was the only time that clearing out the cupboards even stood a chance.

Lent is the 40 days preceding Easter. It starts on Ash Wednesday (Feb. 18 this year) and ends during Holy Week, the highest holy days of the Christian calendar.

Traditionally, Lent is a time of prayer, fasting and almsgiving. When I was growing up, fasting meant a small breakfast and lunch and a larger dinner. It also meant fish sticks and pizza on Fridays. Giving up sweets was mandatory. My mom did a great job of keeping them out of the house for 40 days.

But Dad insisted that Sundays were feast days, especially during Lent. We stopped at the corner store after Mass and ran inside to get a chocolate bar most Sundays during Lent. I liked the way Dad observed Lent.

The prayer part of this triplet was grace and a Lenten reading before dinner. We also went to church for special nights of reflections. At that same dinner table, we learned what almsgiving was as we placed our change in a paper bowl to collect money for missions in third world countries. During Holy Week, we put the money in the collection.

As I matured in faith and studied scripture and church teaching, my understanding of the benefits of fasting and other Lenten practices grew too. After we started a family, my husband and I initiated our own traditions with our kids. My husband defended my Dad’s practice of Sundays as feast days by calculating that the 40 days of Lent only worked if you didn’t include Sunday.

Bring on the chocolate.

Our first Lent after Johanna was born, we were in all in a daze. She was only six months old and already she’d had three brain surgeries. Somehow giving up chocolate and adding extra sacrifices to grow in holiness didn’t quite cut it. I began to understand the meaning of offering up daily sacrifices as a way to grow closer to God.

I rediscovered the scripture from Isaiah 58 and found new meaning in the call to fasting and offering sacrifices through my daily life, most especially with my daughter.

Isaiah 58 is a call to prayer and fasting which goes way deeper than just giving up something hoping that God will give us something in return. In pondering this scripture and in my daily life, I realized that God really doesn’t care about my fasting and my sacrifices. He cares about my heart.

That’s when Lent changed for me — when I began to practice what I now call the holy disciplines of daily life. Rather than going through the motions of the day and complaining how hard my life is, I offer my struggles as a sacrifice of prayer.

One example of this is my morning routine with Johanna. Because of brain injuries, Johanna lacks the ability to execute actions on her own. Where you and I can just get up and do what we need to do (sometimes not before that first cup of coffee), she needs direction and assistance for the most basic of tasks.

Most days, I set out her clothes in order from left to right and I do some chores upstairs to be available. Some days she doesn’t have enough balance or is in too much pain to put the clothes on herself and I need to help her every step of the way.

Somewhere along this journey, I realized that making sacrifices for my daughter was in truth, sacrificing for Christ. “Whatsoever you do for the least of your brothers and sisters, you do for Me. (Mt 25:40)

I soon realized these sacrifices were not investments in the eternal bank of heaven, but rather opportunities to grow in holiness. These holy disciplines of daily life accomplish a far greater purpose than anything I can give up for Lent.

When I am feeling weary over waking in the middle of the night to comfort Jo, or frustrated that we are facing another surgery, I remember what true fasting really is: an opportunity to care for those around us with dignity, respect and love.

Isaiah 58 promises when we embrace a true fast by setting captives free, sharing food with the hungry, giving clothes and shelter to those in need, then change happens in our own hearts and minds. We gain a renewed perspective on life and see God at work in the little things.

“Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your holiness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. (Isaiah 58:7-9)

Lent is not about what you give up, but rather what you give. It’s not a sacrifice to appease an angry God. It’s a healing remedy for own our hearts.

This Lent, I am making some changes in my diet that includes giving up chocolate— not just for fasting sake. I’m eliminating foods that slow me down and drain me of my strength for the greater tasks at hand.

But I know the true sacrifice before me is to live intentionally and practice the holy discipline of daily life — to be grateful for each day and care for those in need.

The daily sacrifices of love combined with some fasting from chocolate is a winning combination for Lent. And when I am struggling to keep those intentions, at least I know I can always take a break on Sunday — for chocolate, anyway.

Eileen Benthal is a writer, speaker and wellness coach with a B.A. in Theology from Franciscan University. She is the author of Breathing Underwater: A Caregiver’s Journey of Hope.

Eileen and her husband Steve live in Jamesport and have four young adult children. Their youngest, Johanna, is a teenager with special needs.

Eileen can be reached at FreeIndeedFreelance.com.