“Are you kidding me?” replied Peter, when Jesus answered his question about how many times Peter should forgive his brother.
Actually you won’t find that verse in the Bible. I made it up. But one could only imagine that may have been an accurate response. This is what the scripture really says:
“Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22
Peter didn’t need to do the math in his head. He knew the meaning of Jesus’ calculations could be accurately substituted with two words; infinite forgiveness. This is why I don’t think its a stretch to imagine Peter’s incredulous response.
The rabbis of the time taught that one should only offer forgiveness three times for repeat offenders. After that, I imagine the phrase “you’re dead to me” kicked in and the offense was held up for all to see.
Peter understood that Jesus did everything in a big way — remember the loaves and the fishes and the leftovers? So Peter thought that when he suggested they needed to forgive seven times, he was already exceeding expectations for how many times they needed to forgive. Infinite was beyond all comprehension.
Jesus always challenged the laws and perceptions of what it meant to live a Godly life. He ate with sinners, talked to women, elevated the value of children and healed on the sabbath. Those were all no-nos for a holy rabbi and a devout Jew.
Jesus also said that he didn’t come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. He wasn’t throwing out the baby with the bathwater, but rather just wanted us to keep our eye on that which mattered most; loving God with our whole being and our neighbor as ourself. Infinite love begins with infinite forgiveness and it blows our minds.
Jesus broke all the social and religious norms by affirming the penitent woman’s response who came to offer to serve Jesus at dinner. Breaking all norms, this sinful woman washed and anointed Jesus’ feet with kisses and costly perfume.
Rather than dismissing her, as the elders and the disciples really wanted him to do, Jesus affirmed the woman’s actions and used them to demonstrate the power of forgiveness.
“Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven- for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little.” Luke 7:47-48
That’s an interesting truth, that one who is forgiven is more prone to freely love. When we experience forgiveness of God and those we have offended, we are set free, made new and we become more loving people.
Likewise, when people hold things against us or we hold grudges against another person, it causes a consternation in the depths of our soul.
Psalm 37:8 says: “Give up your anger and forsake your wrath, it will only vex you.”
The word vex is an apt description of what happens to us when we choose not to forgive. It implies a grave irritation that we just can’t shake. I’ve had some of those feelings as I’ve been working through family hurts and conflicts in ministry.
A lack of forgiveness on all sides was beginning to weigh heavy on my heart. I keep choosing forgiveness but hurt feelings come up again and again.
I thought about what Jesus said of people who are forgiving and forgiven- they love much. So I turned to the most loving person I know for wisdom on forgiveness. I asked my daughter Johanna what her thoughts are on forgiveness.
Johanna said, “I feel hurt when people don’t know who I am and what I go through and they talk down to me like I don’t really matter. They don’t listen to me when I try to explain that I just don’t understand. It makes me want to run away to someone who really knows me and just cry.”
I didn’t know whether to cry or start taking names. Despite these hurts, it’s obvious that Jo forgives because she loves much. So I asked her why she forgives.
She replied, “You gotta forgive and forget cause if you don’t you are going to hold a grudge. Grudges make you hurt deep inside. We also gotta forgive because Jesus tells us to, but most of all because we just get stuck.”
Johanna went on to explain to me, and I took notes, that when we forgive someone, it makes it easier to love them because we “get feelings of compassion and mercy. Compassion and mercy helps us to understand the people who hurt us.” Food for thought.
I asked Johanna how she forgives and she said, “Simply, I just say, “I’m sorry if I did anything to hurt you and I chose to forgive you.”
Then Johanna smiled and said “It’s not easy to forgive but you just gotta shake it off. Remember, Mom (duh)? It’s the words to my new favorite Taylor Swift song, ‘Shake It Off.’”
With Johanna, everything is a song cue. As she belted out these words, the infinite grace of forgiveness was healing my soul.
Got nothing in my brain
That’s what people say…
But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play…
And the haters gonna hate…
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off.
Heartbreakers gonna break,
And the fakers gonna fake,
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off
I never miss a beat
I’m lighting up my feet
And that’s what they don’t see..
I’m dancing on my own
I make the moves as I go
And that’s what they don’t know
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright.
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
– “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift
Johanna was recently interviewed for The Daily News and on Fox 5 NY on how NYU’s music therapy program and especially Taylor Swift’s songs, help her deal with her ongoing struggles.
After the interviews, she wrote Taylor Swift a letter, to ask if she would come and sing “Shake It Off” with Johanna for a music and art show at NYU for kids with disabilities. Last year Jo and I sang a duet for the show. I guess this year she’s taking it up a notch. I hope Taylor Swift responds. I think she’ll love Johanna.
Whether she’s dancing and singing “Shake If Off” for the news or just making me cry as we cuddle on the couch, Johanna is living out Jesus’ commands on forgiveness and using Taylor Swift’s song as a timely message.
The next time someone offends me or that old grudge rears its ugly head, I will think of Jesus, Johanna and Taylor Swift, and just start dancing and “shake, shake, shake it off.”
Eileen Benthal is a writer, speaker and wellness coach with a B.A. in Theology from Franciscan University. She is the author of Breathing Underwater: A Caregiver’s Journey of Hope.
Eileen and her husband Steve live in Jamesport and have four young adult children. Their youngest, Johanna, is a teenager with special needs.
Eileen can be reached at FreeIndeedFreelance.com.
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