North Fork women share stories of struggle and triumph as they celebrate Supreme Court’s landmark ruling

Gathered together in the beautiful backyard of Lori Cohen and Laura Held’s Greenport home, a group of women came together Saturday night to celebrate a moment in history that changed the course of their lives forever.

For many of the women, who spanned generations, Friday’s victory, as the Supreme Court ruled, in a landmark 5 to 4 vote, that same-sex marriage is a right guaranteed by the United States Constitution, comes after years of battle scars and painful memories.

Dara Leslie said the road has been long. For years, she could not visit her long-time love in the hospital, unless she said she was her sister.

Leslie, who came out in 1979, said Friday’s landmark decision means that, for the first time,  same-sex couples will now be eligible for the same legal benefits, pension, health benefits and other rights afforded heterosexual couples for years. “This is huge for us,” she said. “I thought it would never happen, not in my lifetime.”

Men hold the power in the workplace, and higher earning potential, Leslie said. “For two women, it’s very tough,” she said. “And we’re an aging community. For this to happen now, when I’m 56, it means everything  to me.”

Judy Harold said fear of losing her job kept her silent for five years, while living in Florida. “My boss was homophobic,” she said.

Job loss is a very real threat, said Laurie Olsen. “The fight isn’t over,” she said, adding that the mantra, “Married on Saturday, fired by Monday” still exists, with the right to fire someone for being gay still legal in 29 states.

Olsen and her wife Maria Fasulo have been together for 21 years and will celebrate their first wedding anniversary in August.

Friday’s decision, Fasulo said, “is completely overwhelming.”

The event was hosted by the North Fork Women for Women Fund. Locally, the group has, for 30 years, pioneered the way for empowering lesbians in the area who need help in times of crisis, providing grants for medical care, dental work and other health care needs. “Women of means realized other women aren’t of means and might need help,” Cohen said.

Each year, the group raises between $20,000 and $30,000 through events such as an annual auction, tennis tournament, and the annual Celebrate Pride party.

This year, NFWFW will be honored by the Human Rights Campaign; Fasulo, who sits on the HRC board of governors, said the NFWFW shines a light of hope for women who need vital services, “fighting for the people who need it.”

Leslie, who was at Stonewall, said many of the women at Saturday’s gathering were the pioneers who, through their perseverance, pain and courage paved the way for a new national mindset and Friday’s celebration.

“It’s very exciting to be here,” she said. “This is history. Many of these people have lived through it all.”

Still, there have so many been tears shed, Leslie said. Watching helplessly as friends have died from AIDS. Her longtime love Donna Herlong, was featured in the news for selling her life insurance policy, the only way she could find to meet her urgent medical needs.

As a lesbian, Leslie said, she’s been called a “child molester” by her own family and faced public rejection as parents wouldn’t let their kids swim in the same pool.

“So today, to have people acknowledge us publicly, this is huge,” she said. “It’s a good feeling because it’s been a long road and a lot of women really struggled.”

Barbara Dern agreed. “These people here are the backbone of what happened Friday. It’s because of them. These women were there at Stonewall. They set the example, and they kept pushing.”

Fran Dreyfus said Friday was an amazing day, the day she and so many others were afforded the same basic rights as everyone else.

But the fight continues, the women gathered in close circles, arms wrapped around one another, and holding hands, agreed.

“Any prejudice is all prejudice,” said Jackie Wolfen.

Added Barbara Novick, “We’re celebrating as others continue to hurt.” The fight for transgender rights continues, she said.

When asked what Friday’s decision meant to her, Virginia Martin’s eyes light up. “I call it progress, all in the right direction,” she said.

Author Kathy Collins, who just published her new novel, “Risk of Change”, was, as a lesbian, forced to write under a pseudonym for years. “I’m delighted. I’m purely happy,” she said Saturday. “Now, I can write under my own name.”

Collins added that President Obama was partly responsible for the victory. “This is a very happy day.”

Selden resident JJ Sonderling and Rev. Jerry Juliano announced their engagement. “I’m in a state of disbelief that this is happening in my lifetime,” Sonderling said. When she heard the news, she said, “I couldn’t stop crying. I’m 55 years old, and if wasn’t for all of these women, we wouldn’t be here today.”

Rev. Juliano, who came out at 16, has had to marry couples, but has not been able to marry herself, something she’s found deeply painful.

The couple spoke of being forced to meet in “dark, dingy bars,” with lesbians who attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings having nowhere but those bars to congregate, because all other doors were closed and hatred was rampant.

“I’ve been beaten up,” Rev. Juliano said.

The HRC, they said, has been their champion. “They’re our Rosa Parks, our Martin Luther King,” Sonderling said. “They risked everything.”

Sonderling, who came out at 33, said her mother, now 87, who wasn’t at first happy with the news, shed tears of happiness with her daughter on Friday.

Surveying the group of women talking, laughing, and celebrating with such joy, Rev. Juliano said, “This restores my faith in the world.”