Do you really want your house to be the one where all the kids hang out?

I really like my kids. They are at a wonderful age where they can be reasoned with and are starting to understand their impact on others and the world around them. They are thoughtful and compassionate, witty and bright. They’re also not too old to call me Mommy, give me hugs and ask for advice. Sometimes, they even pretend to listen when I speak.

It wasn’t always this way. When I first became a mother – after those initial couple of days, when everyone comes by and helps out, oooh-ing and ahh-ing every time the baby opens his eyes, were over — I went into shock. We could only afford for my husband to take off for a day or two so it was just me and the dogs, and this helpless, completely dependent, always hungry, unreasonably demanding little being. He never told me exactly what he wanted and the dogs were really no help at all.

A few weeks into the stay-at-home mom thing, which I was really taking to heart because I was terrified of feeding my baby in public — it would take months to become a confident nursing ninja — I remember looking down at my son’s sweet little face and then looking over at the television, where my new-mom routine of Regis and Kelly was playing out, and bursting into tears. It startled the child and he began crying as well.

“Oh my God, what has happened to my life? I’m all alone with this non-verbal, sad and tiny person. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. And I’m watching Regis and Kelly!”

It was not pretty. But, after the first year, things started to look up and I’d even met other people who spent their days home alone with little beings. As it turns out, the bigger kids get, the more they like other children (at least in the early years, anyway). At a certain point, it became an expectation that I would invite these other children into my home. And I was terrified.

I’m not going to lie. I am not a super mom. I yell. I have tumbleweeds of pet hair rolling through my home that adhere to most of our clothing. I mumble unkind things under my breath when I’m angry and have, on occasion, given my kids the finger when they’re not looking. I’m not proud, but I’m not perfect either.

So knowing this about myself, the idea of having someone else’s kid under my roof was always very daunting. I would watch moms in public, trying to gauge how they parented. I had lots of opinions about the “right” kind of parenting, as many new moms do before their kid has their first public tantrum and turns into a possessed demon-child you want to pretend isn’t yours. I would be careful about who I invited over.

But even then, I treated small people in my home like angry badgers; I was very wary of where they were going, what they would do and what might happen next. I was even more wary of how to handle things if the situation got out of control.

Many mothers found the word “no” in relation to their child, unacceptable. And though I thought I was super-clever when I started saying, “stop,” they did not often agree. My mothering strategy was slightly more restrictive, so the words “no” and “stop” were basically part of every sentence I used. The stress of worrying about offending other people was too much. I started circling the wagons and pretty soon, I had developed a small group of acceptable friends for my kids.

OK, so maybe that’s not the best way to teach your kids about tolerance and acceptance. But I spent a lot of time, I mean a lot of time, keeping my own children from sticking their little fingers in the silverware compartment of the dishwasher and full-on grabbing knives. There were hours spent convincing small, obstinate people that they really will like (insert name of food here). And unless you’ve had pets and children, you don’t know the “Groundhog Day” scenario of trying to distract a child while the dog eats his kibble. Sometimes late at night, you find yourself reading the ingredients label on the dog food, trying to decide if it’s really worth the fight. Did I really need to have someone else’s child refuse to eat something I made from scratch and instead, opt for dog food?

The older they get, the less this stresses me out. In fact, I actually welcome having a house full of kids now. Last weekend, my children had various friends over, non-stop, for nearly four straight days. Before anyone was invited, I made it clear that I would not be offering any craft-making opportunities, there would be no baking in my tiny kitchen and whatever I made for each meal was what there was. If they didn’t like it, they should get a job and buy their own food. And they all agreed. They all understand the rules, as do their friends.

“Don’t worry, Mom. My friends all think of this as the natural house so they don’t expect good food.”

And so I love these children like my own. They don’t judge me for the cat hair coating on their socks. They are thrilled when lunch consists of nachos and watermelon. They accept that I have no soda. They stay out of my tiny kitchen. And best of all, they forget I’m always in my tiny kitchen and talk amongst themselves all about the things that are important in their lives, oblivious to my eavesdropping. It’s a win, all around.

If you want to be the house where all the kids go, get a pool. Then it doesn’t matter if you serve baba ghanoush with organic gluten-free crackers and a side of brie with pepper jelly. But seriously, don’t get a pool. They’re ridiculously expensive. Just make brownies. They’ll come for those, too.

I found this recipe on food.com and made a few modifications. Though it’s definitely not the healthiest thing you can serve, the ingredients are simple and the results are off the charts. I will never make another brownie recipe again.

The Best Brownies
Serves 10
Ingredients
1/2 cup vegetable oil or melted butter (I used half of each)
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 large eggs
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup flour (of course, ours was GF – Bob’s Red Mill 1-for-1 flour)

Directions
Preheat oven to 350°.
Mix oil and sugar until well blended.
Add eggs and vanilla; stir just until blended.
Mix all dry ingredients in a separate bowl.
Stir dry ingredients into the oil/sugar mixture.
Pour into greased and sugared 9 x 9 square pan. If desired, sprinkle the top with chocolate chips.
Bake for 20 minutes or until sides just start to pull away from the pan.
Cool completely before cutting.
Note: I usually double the recipe and bake in a 9 x 13 pan. If you double the recipe, you will need to cook longer than 20 minutes. I think I did 30-35. Just make sure the toothpick comes out clean-ish. (I had a few crumbs, but nothing goopy).

I won’t lie, these looked awful. Maybe it was the GF flour, but they were a funky color and looked chalky. However, they tasted phenomenal. And the kids agreed. Or at least, they were raised right and told me they were delicious, even if they hated them. Seriously, I love these kids.

Laurie Nigro, a mother of two, is passionate about her family, her community, and natural living. Laurie resides in downtown Riverhead and is co-founder of the River and Roots Community Garden on West Main Street.

 
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