Sorry seems to be the hardest word

“Sorry seems to be the hardest word,” croons Elton John. Methinks he’s got it right!

I recently overhead a heated discussion between two parties who were at odds over the correct pronunciation of a word. It escalated until one person left the room in a huff. The other individual, determined to prove he was right, pulled out his trusty smartphone. He looked up said word, turned up the volume so those around him could listen and guess what? He was dead wrong!

Much to my amazement, he made no apologies, didn’t admit he was wrong and tried to cover his faux pas with a flimsy excuse. He said the pronunciation given on a device is not always reliable. What? I didn’t know these people from Adam; however, I hope their friendship survived such a trivial break. I also hope that the “know it all” could get his inflated ego out of the way and admit that he was wrong.

There is a lot of not owing up to our mistakes, misspeaks, errors in judgement and downright belligerence on many issues. Some are small and have little significance, except to prove that sometimes we are indeed bullheaded. Then there are other issues that shape our lives and the world in which we live.

My sons will cringe when they read this (sorry guys!): When Greg was a kid, one morning, during my usual whirl-wind trip through the house, I decided to make a batch of chocolate pudding before heading for work. (Back then, we could leave food out without fearing salmonella or another super- germ migrating into our kitchens.) When I arrived home, half the pudding was gone.

Me: Greg, what happened to the pudding?

Greg: I don’t know Mom, Teddy (our dog) must have eaten it!

Me: Really, Greg?

With oodles of sincerity in his big beautiful brown eyes he said: Yes, Mom.

Me: But Greg how is it that you have chocolate on your face.

Without missing a beat he said: Teddy licked me.

I am not one to play favorites so now it’s Jeff’s turn to be embarrassed. We had a white cat whose name escapes me (over time, we had many). One day, the cat rubbed against me in the kitchen and I noticed something odd: she had green dots all over her body. On closer inspection the dots were made with green magic marker. (Jeff liked to draw and paint, still does.)

Upon quizzing Jeff, he nonchalantly said: Dunno Mom. Maybe she has cat measles!

OK, these are silly things that probably go on in every household, but what about the larger things?

A lot of media outlets are focusing attention on Donald Trump; either you love or hate him. He has made a series of controversial comments over the years that have some folks cheering and others jeering.

This gal is not cheering. The arrogance he shows is beyond the pale. His obsession about whether President Obama was born in the United States; his comment that Mexican immigrants are drug dealers and rapists are outrageous; his slanderous statement that Senator John McCain was not a war hero is degrading, dangerous and stupid.

“He is not a war hero; he’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured,” he said, regarding Senator McCain. Imagine? Of course, he is doing damage control over this remark. However, I wonder if the “presidential” candidate can be magnanimous enough to pick up the phone and explain himself to Senator McCain and apologize.

But politics is politics, I suppose. When a controversial smear causes a firestorm, some politicians will apologize and admit they were wrong but, unfortunately, it may not end there. It can become a “take no prisoners” issue. Their constituents, media and peers accuse them of flip-flopping. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Conversely, when some politicos know they are wrong, they may engage in extreme cover ups with see-through excuses. Remember South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford who disappeared for a week for a tryst with his Argentine girlfriend? He told his staff he was hiking the Appalachian Trial. Quite a roundabout way to get to Argentina, eh?

All’s fair in love and war, so they say, but hold on. If you are in a relationship or married to a non-apologizer it’s not “fair” by any stretch of the word. It’s not just the “you left the cap off the toothpaste” stuff that can drive one to distraction; but the why-didn’t-you-come-home-last night? Who were you with? Or… (Fill in the blank). When the seed of suspicion is sown, it’s watered with doubt which, in turn, causes the weeds of discontent to choke out the sanctity of the relationship.

Why can’t some folks admit they are wrong? Why do the non-apologizers typically use excuses and denial to shirk their responsibilities?

Let me take a stab at this: Folks with a high level of narcissism (and we all have varying degrees of it) are prone to fluff-off their mistakes. These super-narcissists probably have a deep sense of insecurity. Admission of any wrong-doing carries psychological ramifications. They may feel threatened, or perhaps being wrong brings guilt that in turn morphs into self-loathing. Sometimes they feel an admission of any wrong- doing will open the floodgates of self -revelation. A scary prospect for some.

Most of us hate to be seen at our most naked selves. When we feel we have been caught in our worst moment, it is tempting to try and find something wrong with the other person thus taking the focus off what we have done or left undone.

Author J.K. Rowling writes “the best of us must sometimes eat our words.” Yup, it is sometimes difficult to own up to our mistakes; yet how freeing it is when we do. We are no longer shackled to our egos. When we realize that eating humble pie will not kill us or herald the end of the world, we will feel lightened and enlightened. Besides, we may find that humble pie is pretty tasty, after all.

And maybe, just maybe if we collectively tried to become a tad more humble and get our bloated nothingness out of the way; there may be a chance for world peace. Like I said, maybe!

Celia Iannelli is a native New Yorker enjoying a second career — in ‘retirement’ — as a freelance writer. She lives in Jamesport.