Communication breakdown on the too-much-information superhighway

OK, I’m just going to come out and say it: We, as a society, are lousy communicators!

You may be scratching your head and thinking “Huh? Has she gone round the bend?” But, hear me out. Obviously, we live in a digital world where technological advances have us traveling on the “too much information” highway. Whenever, wherever or whomever we want to communicate with is only a click away.

In my world, I’m usually hurrying from point A to point B, and possibly to point C. Texting has become my preferred means of communication; it’s fast, easy and cuts to the chase. But recently, I received a text message that was somewhat ambiguous. I spent some time trying to decipher what my friend was really saying, then decided (against my better judgment), to let it go. Not easy! I’m an upfront gal, and ambiguity is not my strong point.

Texting is convenient and faster than making a phone call. But, are we getting the full content of what’s going on at the other end? With the telephone, we are able to take the emotional temperature of the person. We can tell how the person feels through their tone, a pause, whether they are happy, angry, or hurt. We can hear that tell-tale strain in their voice when they say they are fine— when, in fact, they are not.

I am guilty of using the words: “No worries” as a catch-all phrase while texting. Ha! What a joke. There have been numerous times that I’ve been worried, riled, discouraged and downright hurt.

At times texting is used to avoid revealing vulnerable emotions or to protect oneself from hearing another person’s distress. But misunderstandings abound. Studies have shown that a vast majority of us tend to believe that our behavior is more expressive than it actually is. Mere text emoticons, i.e. a happy or sad face, cannot possibly convey the true depth of our feelings.

If a serious issue needs addressing, isn’t a face-to-face meeting better than trying to explain your stance by text? Meeting in person gives us many insights into the way someone feels by their facial expression and body language. Couples in the middle of an argument will send dozens of text messages, rather than doing the sensible thing and talk to each other. An indisputable “I’m sick and tired of you and your shenanigans” packs more of a wallop than texting the same thing.

Breaking up by text is so cowardly, don’t you think? I know a gal who was in a relationship that she thought was going great. Out of the blue, the guy texted and said he wanted to cool it. No explanation, no nothing. She tried to contact him, however, he never responded. How convenient for him; how horrible for her. Me? I would have camped out at his house until I got an explanation. A little aside: He did her a favor; she is now in a healthy relationship, where communication is priority.

Lest you think I’m picking solely on texting, try these miscommunication scenarios on for size:

Many potentially good relationships fall by the wayside because the parties involved are too petrified to express their true emotions. What even worse, is that they sometimes deny their true feelings even to themselves. (What a precarious way to live!)

Honesty and transparency is paramount in any relationship. When couples don’t express their feelings, relationships stall. Couples would rather dance around each other, or try to read in- between the lines, instead of sharing their emotions. (Exhausting and counterproductive, I would think) Then one day, the “thinkable” happens, one or the other, moves on and leaves the other heartbroken.

Many popular songs support my viewpoint: In superstar Adele’s song, “Chasing Pavements,” she croons, “But if I tell the world, I’ll never say enough ‘cause it was not said to you and that’s exactly what I need to do, if I end up with you.” Duh! How’s he going to know, if you don’t say something?

Or Colbie Cailat’s song, “I Never Told You,” she sings, “But I never told you what I should have said, no I never told you I just held it in, now I miss everything about you.”

Well, of course, he hit the road. I would too!

The saddest emotion is expressed in British folk-rock singer Passengers’ song, “Let Her Go.” The lyrics are most revealing: “Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low, only hate the road when you missing home, you only know you love her when you let her go…And you let her go.”

There’s not a gal or guy alive who hasn’t dated a “Houdini.” They are notorious for vanishing and reappearing like nothing is amiss—leaving their partner feeling like a pair of disposable gloves. Sometimes the neglected person just hangs on, and doesn’t confront their partners’ inconsistent behavior. Maybe it’s because they feel something is better than nothing. Not in my book! If a person wants you in their life, they will make room for you.

Many long-time friendships drift apart, and more times than not, it’s because of poor communication. One party feels slighted by a major or minor incident, and instead of making a call, ceases all contact. The other party has no clue as to what is going on and tries to make contact and is met by silence. Now the second party feels injured, and adios! to a life-long friendship.

Families are notorious for feuds, aka the Hatfield and McCoy syndrome. These family ruptures may have happened generations ago—better yet, no one remembers what they are fighting about—and more than likely, the primary participants are dead.

How many times have you felt like banging your head against the wall because someone says one thing but means or does something entirely different? Frustration taken to the max!
This makes me wonder how many potential relationships, good friendships, business deals are thwarted by miscommunication? But I’ll let Russian novelist and philosopher Fyodor Dostoyevsky have the final say. He writes: “Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.“

Well, now, I must be in good company if Dostoyevsky supports my theory!

Celia Iannelli is a native New Yorker enjoying a second career — in ‘retirement’ — as a freelance writer. She lives in Jamesport. {loadposition tab20}{loadposition tab1}