In race against time, Southold native turns to social media to find live kidney donor for her fiance

Southold native Megan McIver is battling for her fiance’s life as she takes to social media in a race against time to help him find a live kidney donor.

McIver, who will turn 32 on Thursday, met her fiance, Matthew Botchler, in 2007; the two, who now live in Selden, are deeply in love — but facing one of the most devastating challenges of their lives as they try desperately to help Botchler find a live kidney donor.

Botchler, who is in Stage 4 kidney failure, is in dire need of the kidney transplant that could save his life. He has set up a Facebook page, “Matt’s Kidney Kampaign”  in his quest to find a donor and raise awareness about living with chronic kidney disease and failure.

“I understand and appreciate that donating your organ is an extremely tough decision, and most people would never consider it,” he wrote on the page. “I totally respect that. But if you still would like to help, simply sharing or liking my Facebook page could make you my guardian angel.”

Botchler then shares information, stating that “a living donation is extremely important because a kidney from a living donor lasts about twice as long as one from a deceased donor.”

Living donation, he said, “does not change life expectancy, and after recovery from the surgery, most donors go on to live happy, healthy and normal lives.”

Recovery time is short after a procedure, with donors generally resuming their normal lives in two to six weeks, he said.

But the gift of donation is immeasurable, Botchler said. Currently, he said, 96,645 people are currently waiting for a kidney; 4,903 people died in 2012 waiting for their chance. And, he said, 3,000 people are added to the waiting list for a kidney each month.

“Depending on where you live, the wait for a deceased kidney can be anywhere from three to 10 years,” he said.

McIver, whose family still lives in Cutchogue — she shares a close bond with Capt. Joe McCarthy of the Southold Fire Department, whom she considers an uncle — said her fiance faces an extra challenge because his blood type is 0+, meaning he is considered a universal donor but not a universal recipient.

Potential donors must be blood type O+/ O-, healthy and not smokers or excessive drinkers, without diabetes and cardiac issues, with two healthy kidneys and between the ages of 18 and 43.

Facing health challenges is not a new experience for Botchler. Born in 1977 with a rare complex birth defect called bladder exstrophy, in which the bladder forms outside the body, he was forced to undergo a series of surgeries from the time he was three months old until he was 16.

Told by doctors that he would not be able to participate in sports, recess, or gym, Botchler defied the odds, and enjoyed Little League baseball, skateboarding, and BMX bike racing, where he even won a national title in 1995; he later competed in a world BMX championship in 2001.

Living life to the fullest, Botchler also has a passion for building and racing a 1993 Mustang, “Botch’s Notch”; the car has been featured in magazines and he’s won awards in competitions.

McIver said her fiance, who works for a Hauppauge utilities company — she’s a CPA for the Stony Brook Foundation — first got sick again in September, 2010, when he developed a severe kidney infection and doctors found two polyps.

After undergoing surgery to have a portion of his colon removed, experimental surgery that involved re-attaching his ureters, Botchler’s kidneys became compromised, McIver said. Next, Botchler was hospitalized in September, 2012, and had to have kidney stones removed; nephrostomy tubes were inserted through his skin and attached to his kidneys to drain the organs.

Next, last July, Botchler got extremely ill while at work and doctors told him the words that changed his life: “Your kidneys are failing.” He was told that his kidneys were functioning at only 13 percent.

From that moment, the race was on for a living donor.

“Ever since we found out, we’ve taken action to put the word out there and find someone to help Matthew,” McIver said.

Immediately tested herself, McIver said, sadly, she’s not a match.

Describing what it has been like, watching the man she loves wait for the miracle that can save his life, McIver’s voice fills with tears. “It’s been a nightmare,” she said.

McIver said from the moment they met, she’s felt a series of signs have shown her that their love was “fate”, and she has vowed to stand beside her fiance through good times and bad.

“I feel that there is a bigger picture in life,” she said.

And, she added, “Matt has been really strong about this whole thing. He’s been persistent. He’s not giving up. We feed off each other.”

While there are “trying” times, when she wishes life were focused on getting married and having kids, they are fleeting, McIver said. “I think of all Matt is giving up, and it puts it all in perspective,” she said. “He’s 37 and he can’t take a shower by himself; he has to wait for me. He was an active person, racing BMX bikes and driving a race car; we both live to ride bicycles — but he can’t do these things, and that kills him. He can’t even sleep in bed. He sleeps in the recliner in the living room, because he is in so much pain. And yet, he’s so strong — he doesn’t want anyone to know.”

Having children one day may pose a challenge, but it is possible, McIver said. “There is hope,” she said.

Looking ahead, McIver said her dreams for the future are those so many take for granted. “Just to try and live a normal life. To get married, and start a family.”

To the future donor who will hopefully step up and give the gift of life to the man with whom she hopes to share forever, McIver has a message: “Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

As for Botchler, his fighting spirit is propelling him forward. “Just like I overcame my limitations as a boy, I will beat this — with your help. I ask that you take the time to share my story and help me in my quest for a living donor so I can fulfill all my dreams and goals and move on with my life,” he wrote on his Facebook page.

For those interested in becoming a living donor, call The Zweig Family Center For Living Donations at (212) 659-8024 and mention Matthew Botchler’s name. Those wishing to contact him can also message or email superchrgd331@aim.com or matthewbotchler@gmail.com

“Sharing is caring,” he said.