A mother’s right to breastfeed: It’s the law

I’m about to go on a rant. I think it’s only fair to warn you. If you’ve come here this week, expecting a few laughs, I will disappoint you. Because I am super pissed off.

In all the time that I’ve been writing about natural, frugal living, I’ve never discussed breastfeeding. And honestly, I hadn’t planned to. Those who know me well may find this rather perplexing. But, I have many reasons for the omission.

The topic of how a family chooses to feed the baby is so personal and intimate, that I worried my thoughts would offend someone, somewhere, and I’m sure they will. I have very strong feelings about breastfeeding. But I also believe that there are a multitude of reasons why a woman may or may not choose to nurse her baby. And I believe that ultimately, it doesn’t matter what I think or feel, a woman’s choice is a woman’s choice and she deserves respect, no matter what.

There are generations of women who never saw a mother breastfeed a child. They have no support within the family, because their mother, aunt, sister, or neighbor never did. And if they do choose this course, even within the medical community, there are often naysayers and negative Nellies. I’ve personally had more then one physician tell me I wasn’t doing it right, or it had been too long and I should stop. And don’t even get me started on the free formula they give out to new mothers in hospitals or the case (which I never ordered) that arrived at my door within days of my first child’s birth.

Conversely, I know women who didn’t breastfeed, and some who couldn’t breastfeed, who were chastised and made to feel less-then for not giving their baby breast milk, as if to suggest they were doing something wrong, as if they somehow didn’t love their babies as much as other moms.

I spent many years feeling so passionate about breastfeeding, that I was unable (and probably unwilling) to understand any other point of view. As I met more and more families and came to love an adore other women who didn’t follow the same path as my own, I learned tolerance. I learned to respect the decisions that others make for their families. I learned that I’m not always right-and very often I’m wrong. I learned that we all love our children more then life itself and that we all do whatever we can to keep them healthy and make them happy, to give them the world.

What I also learned is that what moms need the most is to be supported, no matter what they choose. The early days of motherhood are overwhelming, exhausting, emotional and terrifying. There are sleepless nights spent soothing a crying baby, wishing desperately that the mothering fairy would spontaneously appear, telling you exactly what to do. There is the first illness or injury, when you feel a level of fear that would send Freddy Krueger running back to the boiler room, begging for his mommy. There are news stories about bad people doing terrible things to children and you can’t imagine that happening to your precious child but you know that if it did, you could kill someone. And then you wonder, who have I become? And then you realize, you’ve become a mother.

What I believe is that no society gains anything from tearing people down. When we support one another, whether our beliefs differ or are exactly the same, we grow, we thrive, we learn tolerance and we gain peace, for ourselves and those around us.

So when I heard the other day that a Riverhead police officer, who swore to serve and protect, harassed a mother while she was breastfeeding her baby in a parked car (see story on 27east.com), I just about lost my mind. I’m still so furious I don’t even know where to begin. How about with the law? That seems as good a place as any.

According to New York State Penal Code 79-e, “Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a mother may breast feed her baby in any location, public or private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether or not the nipple of the mother’s breast is covered during or incidental to the breast feeding.”

My initial concern is that someone who is sworn to uphold the law, doesn’t seem to know the law. But let’s put that issue aside and address the bigger picture. What, exactly, does this officer (and many other people out there) think that women’s breasts are for? We are mammals. They are mammary glands. We are designed to feed our babies, with our breasts. And the holy grail of all questions here, would he have asked her to stop feeding her baby if the baby was getting a bottle? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say no.

It sickens me to read news reports, from near and far, about breastfeeding mothers who have had been told to leave, move, cover up or stop. And the comments generated by the stories are often far, far worse. There is vitriol, hatred and anger of unfathomable proportions thrown at these women. Accusations abound and ignorance takes center stage. I don’t care who you are, if you have children or don’t, if you used a bottle or the breast, if you are a christian or an atheist, STOP attacking mothers and babies who are just trying to feed and be fed. Can you imagine being told to stop eating because someone found your method of getting food into your mouth offensive? It’s absurd.

New moms have enough on their proverbial plates. I was glad to hear that the mom in question here in Riverhead was empowered and educated and knew her rights. But I was once a new mom, sitting in my parked car, nursing my infant because I was too embarrassed to feed him in front of others. If an officer of the law had come to my car and harassed me, I would have felt shame, fear and loss. My baby would have cried and wailed and been hungry and scared and angry and sad. And I would have felt so, so alone.

I don’t undertand why breastfeeding is even an issue. Babies need to eat. Sometimes, babies need when we’re outside the house. If breasts make you uncomfortable, that seems a personal problem. You can not look. You can move. You can leave. You can even go hang out in the restroom and have your meal there, since many seem to think that’s where the mom and baby should go.

I can assure you that if you head to the beach on any given summer day, you will see far more skin then any breastfeeding mother reveals. We can watch Victoria’s Secret commercials with barely-covered bodies, be bombarded by Calvin Klein billboards with both genders in various states of undress and blatant sexual insinuation, but a mom nourishing her babe brings rise to controversy and contempt. Ask yourself, would you even think about it, would it even come to mind, if that baby were getting a bottle?

Just to recap, even if someone refused to agree with me, even if they vehemently opposed a mother’s right to nurse her baby in public, it’s the law. IT. IS. THE. LAW. And in case you missed it, it’s the law.

I hope that whether you support breastfeeding or support bottle feeding, you always support the mom. With a breast or with a bottle, she’s just trying to feed and love her baby.

My recipe for this week is for kindness. Next time you see a new mom feeding her baby, offer that mom a glass of water, a place to sit, or even just a smile or a nod that says, “good job.” Show her that she is respected and appreciated. Let her know that motherhood isn’t always exhausting and frightening, but is also filled with toothless grins and baby giggles, sleepy eyes and rosy cheeks, and unending, unconditional love.

Laurie Nigro, a mother of two, is passionate about natural living. Laurie resides in downtown Riverhead and is co-founder of the River and Roots Community Garden on West Main Street. Contact her by email to laurie@riverheadlocal.com.